Day: May 19, 2019

domestic abuse

When Molly Last Smiled

carolyncordon

Molly has smiled, even though she usually seems she’s never ever smiled, not ever, in her entire life. Molly has smiled, but usually it was a twisted, hateful smile. She smiled like a liar might smile, when they con a person, and get something out of them, fooling them. A triumphant but sad smile, that one.

Happy smiles? Molly has never had a happy smile, never a happy moment really. This is how Molly’s face usually looks Screenshot 2019-05-17 at 5.52.43 PM sad, cynical maybe, but a long, long way from being happy. Molly and happiness don’t meet up with each other.

If you feel like Molly, like there is nothing to be happy about, nothing to smile about, it can feel like your world is pointless, like there is a cloud that covers the whole world, or like there are no colours in the world, never have been, never will be, not in your world.

Being depressed, having depression, that can make happiness disappear. Everything might feel like it’s a huge effort, even getting out of bed is too much. There is nothing you want to do, not joy in your life, no possibility of having anything good happen. Even watching TV might feels like to much, you can’t follow what’s happening on the screen, your brain can’t concentrate.

Is Molly depressed? Maybe she is. Many people suffer from depression, sometimes without realising it. They just suffer in silence, not smiling, not doing much at all, and certainly nothing happy or fun. They can’t see any good things possible in their lives. That’s how Molly feels.

So yes Molly has smiled, but it was not a happy smile, it was a cynical smile, which is a sneer really, not a smile. Molly can’t remember smiling a happy smile, but she can remember, when she was little, her dad saying to her, “What at you grinning at?” and he hit her. It wiped out her ability to smile like other people do, she thinks.

Now Molly won’t smile, maybe can’t smile, not how other people smile. I hope one day, Molly might find a reason to smile, and see whether her smile is completely wiped out, or whether, one happy day, she might smile a happy smile again, and no-one will hit her. Maybe …

domestic abuse

Writing Lives Of Fictional People

carolyncordon

I have been looking into the life of an imaginary person, Molly, considering her life, and the reasons she looks the way she looks. I drew her, I am completely lacking in talent as a visual artist, it doesn’t come naturally to me, drawing. For this story, that doesn’t matter, my character isn’t some sweetly pretty princess, she is a sad and unsmiling abused woman.

Screenshot 2019-05-17 at 5.52.43 PM

This person above is Molly. She is an angry person, and she doesn’t smile, not ever. Molly never has anything in her life to smile about. She has a sad and angry life, being abused for all of her life so far, in many different ways.

This writing project that I am doing with Molly, is a fictional story, but there are many ‘non fictional’ elements to this story. Abuse is a fact of life for many people, in particular, but not only women, I acknowledge that.

But I am a woman, and the people I know who have spoken about any abuse they have encountered in life, well they have almost all been women. Hence Molly, and Molly’s story. I would love it if people like Molly could find good things in their lives, so they could smile happily, and feel they can move on, ‘get over it’ and go on toward living a good life.

But women like Molly, ones who have been victims of domestic abuse for much of their lives, they struggle so much in their lives, that smiling is something they never do, because their lives are a burdensome series of punches, bruises, broken bones, harsh words, and worse, day after day, with no joy ever.

Having things to look forward to in our lives should be something for every one of us, but sadly, for women like Molly, the only thing to look forward to is to not get hit, raped, or abused in any other way.

Domestic abuse is a fact of life for many women, and for some men too. I have little experience about any domestic abuse that men face, although I have certainly heard about it happening. That isn’t my story to tell though. It isn’t Molly’s story.

I will be continuing with Molly’s story, on this website, adding a new piece I hope, every day or so. When this is finished, perhaps Molly will learn how to smile. I certainly hope she does, but that is something I can’t see happening yet. I think there is much to be discussed before Molly can smile.

If you have any thoughts or ideas about women with lives like Molly’s I welcome any discussion about this important subject. Feel free to leave a comment here.

domestic abuse

Molly Has Needs, Does Anyone Care?

carolyncordon

Molly is a mix of many people, women all, but with some parts that may apply to men as well, in some regards. Vulnerable people all, survival is their only aim in life, and it’s hard to do sometimes. Life hits you, knocks you down, over and over again. Surviving all of that means there isn’t much space in your life to do anything over and above mere survival.

Screenshot 2019-05-17 at 5.52.43 PM This is Molly. She has been working hard.
Every single day, she works hard.

Living & breathing, both of these are hard
to do for people like Molly. She doesn’t
even think about doing anything more
than just living – being alive and breathing.

Molly doesn’t have the energy to smile,
to smile means there is something you are
happy about. Molly can’t see anything in life
to be happy about.

Molly hasn’t lost hope, Molly never had any.

 

Never assume you know what a person is going through in their life, some of them might be like Molly, and it is hard work just to live and breathe.

If you are doing it tough in life, there are people and organisations who can help you. Don’t be afraid to ask for help, you deserve it.

We all have wants and needs, we all deserve to have at least our needs met. Food, shelter, care from others. All are vital to live a good life, and the opportunities to have wants met too, we deserve the chance to have some of those met too. Having options in life is how we can find our best way to live, but people like Molly don’t even realise they have any options beyond merely breathing, and sometimes even that can be difficult.

If you know someone like Molly, why not have a chat with them, who knows what might happen. Good things can begin with a simple sit and chat. If you do it, maybe one day Molly and people like her may smile.