Helping By Listening

This is Molly.

Molly is not one person I actually know, Molly is many people I know of, and may know without realising that I know these things about her. Abuse, particularly of a sexual kind, is a hidden and shameful thing, even these days, when we are apparently all open about sex.

But things done to children often go unseen by those outside of the family, hushed up, denied ‘if necessary’, and to feel embarrassed and ashamed about if they happen to you. Sexual abuse, not only of children, but of women and men too, is a thing to be stamped on and stopped.

In an ideal world, this would happen, but this is far from an ideal world, and so women like Molly live all around the world, hiding from society, whilst remaining right there in the world with us, hoping no-one will notice them, and hurt them again.

These damaged souls deserve our sympathy, but they are unlikely to ask for it. Many of them don’t understand that other people truly do care, and want to help them. If a person gets knocked down often enough if and when they manage to stand up, then eventually they may simply stop trying to stand up to get what they should be given.

If you ever come across a person like Molly, someone on the edges, not seeming to want to join in, an angry person perhaps, bitter about what they have been kept from, or angry about the bad stuff they’ve been given, then why not see if they are willing to talk to you. Sometimes the opportunity to talk can open up the floodgates, and if you prove yourself to be a good and non-judgemental listener, there’s no telling how much you may learn, or how much you might help, simply by hearing this person’s story.

Listening actively is a skill, one well worth following up on, if you have any ideas of taking on  any kind of informal counselling roles, like the one I have been writing about here. Active listening involves pay these aspects: pay attention, show you’re listening, provide feedback, defer judgement and respond appropriately.

Listening without jumping in immediately with your own opinion is a great skill, a rare skill to have, because so many people only have a conversation to have their own story being heard. People like Molly though, they need to be properly listened to, if they feel safe enough to talk. If you talk over the top of them, they will close down, and you won’t have helped them.

People like Molly don’t deserve such treatment, if they try to reach out, they deserve a sympathetic listener who will let them say all they feel they need to say.