Two Words …

Yes there are two words, only two, that are holding me back from being the person I most wish to ultimately be. If I can crack the code, learn the password, bake the cake, in fact stop metaphorising and actually do it, I’ll be set for a great and inspirational life. But these two words, they there, every day, every moment I think now is the time to ‘do it’ and get started …

So what are these two words, you ask? Hmm, Procrastination and Prioritisation. These two words are the bane of my better life, the life I wish to live, that is bigger and better than the life I’m living right now. Don’t get me wrong, my current life is a fine life, far better than the life many others are living. I have a spouse I love and who loves me, I have a fine son who is getting on well in his life. I have great family and friends.

I’ve achieved things, I have books published, people in my community know who I am, and respect me. But I am a flawed person, one who realises all of us are also flawed in some ways, because that is the nature of being human. But I definitely know I have plenty of time, and the ability to be better than I currently am …

I put things off until another time, and I fail to give attention to the most important things to be done. I know these things, but what am I doing? I’m sitting on my bottom, writing about it, when it would be much more beneficial if I were sending off copies of my relevant CV to organisations who may want me as a Public Speaker. I even have an email that I could easily flick off to relevant bodies, and I have a fair idea of who those bodies are, that may respond favourably.

So have I done it yet? No, not really, and why not? Well, it’s a difficult time of the year, the between time after Christmas, but before the New Year. And I’m not entirely convinced my ideas on what I would talk about would be as good as I’d like to think. And, and, and. So do I have a plan for when and to whom I’m going to send off my CV, sell my worth as a great public speaker, step up into the lime light? No, of course not. And why not?

Hmm a good question that one. Why on earth haven’t I done that yet, at least devised, or begun devising a plan of action to get this done? I think I know the answer, and it’s a shameful one, in some ways, but again, not an uncommon one. The reason, of course, is fear. Fear of not measuring up, of not being good enough. Fear of failure.

But is that even a thing worthy of my ongoing thoughts? If I try something and fail, I will try again, if it’s something I care enough about, and the more I try, and fail and try again, the more I will learn, and eventually, the better at that thing I will be. That’s a good thing, something to aim at, not to fear.

So why am I still here, sitting on my bottom, and not looking at and improving my CV, and adding new possible organisations to send it off to? Inertia, comfort, and yes, still that fear, that feeling my best won’t be good enough. I need a big kick up my comfy bottom, so I get a move on and get things done!

If anyone out there has big boots, please give me that kick up the bottom, so I’ll get a move on, and move into the new year with plans and ideas, and gigs booked! Thanks, all comments welcome, I need the inspiration, the embarrassment, the oomph, to break through and get me moving!