Tag: rape

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What If ‘What You Know’ Is Rape?

carolyncordon

Write what you know, they say, whoever ‘they’ are … But what if what you know isn’t fluffy kittens, or interesting garden tips and tricks, or wise dogs with funny thoughts. What if what you know, is how it was to be sexually abused by a family friend, gang raped by some young men I’d idolised, and sexually abused by work colleagues?

How would I write about that, when the reality of it was something I rarely allowed myself to think about these days, happily married to a good man, mother of a fine son, and safe from the predatory behaviour of workmates, because I’m now a writer, and not working in a office, with Happy Hour an excuse to all get pissed, and ‘see what happens …’

Well actually, I have written about the sexual abuse, a poetry collection I put together and got published in 2011, one year after my diagnosis with Multiple Sclerosis, which I am now learning, may in fact have links to sexual abuse – who’d have thought it? Well the body knows about these things, and some researchers have looked at these things, and noted the statistics about sexual abuse, and about Multiple Sclerosis are similiar … coincidence? I wonder.

Maybe there is another book in that thought, but at the moment, I’m working at feeling settled, and safe. This past week with all of it on the media, and getting hooked up and unable to escape, and feeling and remembering things I’d thought gone. A dear friend pointed out that what I’d written on Social Media sounded exactly like Complex PTSD, with memories hitting me, things I’d barely remembered, humiliating, frightening things I don’t want to remember, but my body and brain remember, whether I like it or not.

At the moment, I don’t feel that is the next book I want to write. I have a novel to finish, and a poetry collection to put together, on much happier subjects … What I am interested in doing with these sex abuse issues though, is to run workshops or at least one workshop, looking at finding peace through poetry. Being able to write things down, and making it into poetry, can be a healing thing, the idea of therapeutic creative writing is far from a new thing.

I know this, I have a book to prove I know it. I also have a blog, where I have looked at these issues, http://www.damagedchildrenpreciousgems.wordpress.com the blog having the same name as my poetry collection on the subject. So if anyone out there in South Australia is interested in such a workshop, let me know, I’ll happily present it!

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Poetry and Getting Over ‘Issues’

carolyncordon

This is serious stuff, and the current Mini ‘Me Too’ times currently happening in Australia shows how widespread this ‘issue’ my poetry helped me to get over is. But getting over things, isn’t really a thing, is it, not necessarily. I know the poetry collection I’ll say more about soon, may have felt like it helped my top ‘get over’ something I’ll refer to soon as well, didn’t actually help me to ‘get over’ just to hold at bay.

So to bring clarity to this all, the poetry collection is titled “damaged children Precious Gems”, which is a collection on the theme of child abuse, particularly sexual abuse. I put together this collection at a time when I was facing other bad, but very different things in my life, a medical related thing. But anyway, the writing of poems, and putting together of the collection helped me feel far more in control of my life, regarding the abuse I had suffered at the hands of various men.

At that time, I launched the poetry collection, I was married, being a ‘stay at home mum’ and working through my sexual abuse issues with a community worker who’s held a workshop for women with problems of abuse. That was around twenty years ago, and I was feeling in control, as I said. The book is a good one, and I’ve had plenty of praise for it. I was happy with how I was going.

But then, this week, I hear of, see, read, about the rape two years ago, of a young woman at her workplace, an awful thing, not unusual really, sadly, terribly, but that workplace was parliament house in Canberra, and her abuse was ‘allegedly’ working for the government, as she was, and the whole thing seems to have been covered up by a member of parliament, and others in the Liberal party too.

This, I hope this young woman, and another one who seems to have suffered in the same way, will get the proper treatment, and this abuser is charged with the two rapes, so the wheels of justice can do what they should do at such times. I can’t do much about this process, apart from offer support on Social Media, and watch to ensure it doesn’t get swept under the carpet again …

This has finally shown me what the concept of triggering is about, I’m feeling edgy, and things I’d thought were finished, have been hitting me this week, over and over, memories I hadn’t thought about, and had in fact forgotten, have been right there in my head, telling me that even though I’ve been full of inward praise for myself for going from victim, to survivor, and on to thriver, I’m still that victim, at least to some extent. Yes I am thriving in my life, I have eight published books, I’m involved in the poetry ‘scene’ in South Australia, I have family and friends who love me, and a good marriage with a fine man (35 years, with a fine son doing well in his life).

But the memories, oh if only I could wipe them out forever … But if I could do that, would I still be the me who was able to write such a fine book of poetry on the theme of sexual abuse? Who knows. We are all made up of the things that happen to us, and the ways we manage, or don’t manage them. I am who I am, because I have survived what has happened to me, and that medical thing I mentioned (the diagnosis with Multiple Sclerosis in 2010), well there’s a possibility that may have something to do with trauma from my sexual abuse, who can tell?

But I’m actually doing well with the Multiple Sclerosis (MS), going through a long period of remission, and no real relapsing, only pseudo ones from too much heat, readily resolved by getting cooler. I’m very aware of the dangers to people with MS of getting too much stress, and I work hard to manage my life so stress isn’t there, as much as I can. It’s working well for me, but this current situation has me spending far too much time of Social Media, following the story, to see that it is properly dealt with. In reality, what can I do, but be witness, and offer support …

Maybe it’s time to resort to writing some more poetry about all of it, put my thoughts into words, and share it with others, or perhaps writing about it in prose, rather than poetry, who knows, but I know I am connecting and supporting other victims, and together, may we collectively make changes to ensure this doesn’t get cleaned up, and ignored, but gets the weight of the law applied to it, and if anyone is found guilty, they get exactly what they deserve, a jail sentence.

Us victims have had our penalty paying the price in so many trauma related ways, and we were the victim, not the perpetrator!

poetry

Thoughts about women and men …

carolyncordon

This poem came from thoughts about the lives of young women, and memories of my life, way back before I stepped right away from that “mating game”. I found the man I trusted enough to want to marry, and we have worked at being married for many, many years now, and still married, 33 years later.

It’s a relief now, to be able to not worry about how things may go after a night out, whether to take the offer of a lift home, hoping it will be safe, or whether the bus might be a better choice, though I’d be later home.

There are rules, but not everyone goes by them and the more alcohol is involved, the less attention is paid to those rules. Going out at night shouldn’t mean anything more than simply wanting to go out at night. And what you wear is your business, and shouldn’t be read as making a statement, not at all.

Women dress up for themselves, for their friends, because it makes a night feel special, and yes, perhaps to attract male attention, but not always. Never assume anything about a women, because all are individuals, and do different things for a variety of different reasons …

******************************

I was out earlier today, so began writing this poem on my mobile phone, then my phone ran out of charge … I’d written enough though, that I had the core of what I wanted to write, so even though I finished the poem just now, many hours after starting it, it still holds to the ideas I wanted to write about.

I am so glad that I no longer have to think about the things in this poem, and I certainly wish no-one at all ever have to think about them, and that going out was safe for everyone. We are a long, long way away from that though …

And though I say I’m glad I no longer have to think about these things, the simple fact of being a woman, being out alone at night could make me a target for abuse from a rapist, it’s a simple, and nasty fact of life. It makes me sick in my mind that it’s so, but I’m intelligent and cluey enough to see the reality of it all.

Sometimes I think gelding all men may be the way to go. Geldings cause far less trouble than stallions … Obviously I don’t actually mean that, but …

15 February assumption
Don’t Make an Ass out of U or Me
Not all holes are in need of filling,
no matter what you think, blokes –
an enthusiastic “Yes!” means she’s willing
otherwise they’re illegal pokes.
Assumptions made, chances taken,
his wrong move, and you’re a loser,
trust betrayed, love forsaken.
Next time remember, she’s the chooser …
‘Yes’, is only three small letters,
but they’re oh, such important ones
whether sporting stars or business go-getters,
get it wrong, you’re in trouble – tons!
It may seem to men, women hold the reins
about these things, but that’s not true –
boyfriend or rapist? The question attains
a scary power over you –
when a simple meet up, may lead to more
and a woman only wants a friend,
but ugly times, may become the score –
casual dating? Not when rape is the end …
Is it a nun’s life the choice you’ll have to take?
No going out, ‘cos you no longer dare,
don’t go out and party, stay home and bake,
to keep safe out of mating game glare …