Who Am I, Really?

Wife, mother, poet, blogger, writer, dog lover, watcher of nature, editor, motivated community member, writing group President, and other things. These are the things I am, now. Fine things, things to be proud of, for sure..

But in my head are the things I’ve been. The past, the things that happen to us, they don’t just happen and then disappear. They remain, sometimes buried away below life’s flotsam and jetsam, but then that trigger hits you, and it comes back, and it’s like it’s right there again, even if only for a moment. But that moment can last for all of your lifetime.

So I’ve been a victim of child sexual abuse, and victim of sexual abuse as a young adult. I’ve been a worker in the Commonwealth Public Service, and before that a stablehand and strapper for my harness racing father. I’ve been a part time worker in a few varied jobs, I’ve been employed, interested, bored, confused, stressed out, and sacked.

Now, I’m proud of who I’ve been, even that job where I got sacked. I said the wrong thing, apparently, but gee, giving me free wine, what did they expect, if they can’t handle the truth, sheesh! That job gave me half a year of sleepless nights anyway, so I’m glad they sacked me. It as a shame the man who actually sacked me was a friend of my brother’s from many years previously.

What a way to completely crush a one time girlish crush that was! Moving out of our teenage years and into adulthood is a good thing, but when money takes over, softer feelings disappear, and the almighty dollar hardens emotion into a scabby little sore that will heal over, and disappear …

But today, I am something else, today I am an Inspirational Creative Writing Guru. That’s who I am today. Lots of days actually. Today I was told by a writing friend that something I posted on Facebook inspired her to do lots of writing, and she is thrilled with the words she has produced. I’m thrilled back at her about that.

Today I’ve also give a ‘critique’ on a poem a friend posted to Facebook, a fantastic poem that wrenched me in the guts, brought back unwanted memories, reminded me of things I’d love to get rid of, but know will be there, somewhere, until I die. Good writing can do that, and today I let that poet know how good her poetry is, how fantastic that poem was. I know she will go on writing gut wrenching poetry, it is inside of her, and her story is an important one.

Hidden away stories, the ones that can come out in this kind of poetry, if I can be involved in that kind of writing, the kind that can sometimes help to ease some of the pain of our terrible memories, being involved in these things is a terrible, beautiful, ugly and true thing. and again, if you can’t handle the truth, sheesh!

Many people have these kinds of things in their lives, and if they have someone in their lives who writes the tough stuff too, they can inspire that person to work through things, bring out their truth, share the pain, and sometimes some healing may come. I hope I can help people like this. I have had my own work, difficult things, published and I am glad to have done that, because I know how good it feels to share words with others who truly understand.